"Meet The Wheelers" & Christmas - Jeff Roeters
Hey, Everyone! It's been a while since I shared anything personal. I came across a video that I thought was worth sharing with all of you. Whether you know it or not, you most likely have someone in your life that is struggling to start their family. Holidays are a time that can magnify the pain involved in the journey to adopt or start a family through fertility treatments. Wanted to share some of my thoughts below, and share this video with you you all.
Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays. I usually start playing Christmas music right before Halloween. It drives people crazy! Mostly my coworkers when they hear the bass line for little drummer boy coming from my office. But whatever, they deal with it because they know it makes me happy.
Holidays were always a very difficult time for us throughout our battle with infertility. I think it's safe to say that some of our fondest memories of "family" are definitely wrapped up in our childhood Christmas experiences. The giving of gifts, decorating the tree with our siblings & parents, seeing your favorite cousins and sitting down to a nice meal together, all things that happened during the holidays for Amy and I growing up. I realize that the holidays aren't as easy for others who have difficult family situations, or have no family at all. We have our hiccups, but both Amy and I are blessed with an abundance of support from our families. For that we are grateful.
Our first 25 christmases contain mostly great memories that you typically wouldn't trade for anything in the world. That is until you start "the process". You start thinking that you'll never be able to create similar memories for your kids, because you are uncertain that you'll ever have any kids at all. These are things you NEVER think about as a child, as a teenager, as a college student, even as a engaged couple excited about the future. Holidays are about family, and that nagging through that we'll never have one of our own overshadows those good memories.
After our first few months of trying, we came upon our first christmas where we actually "wanted kids" and it just didn't feel the same as previous years. Amy will argue that she's wanted kids since our wedding day, but I'm glad for the time we took for ourselves. Seeing presents sitting under the tree tagged with the names of all our nieces and nephews whom we loved dearly, was hard to see. You start asking yourself questions like "Will I ever get to wrap a present for my own child?" "Will we be able to make a cute baby announcement around the dinner table, or send out a we're expecting Christmas card?" For the record, I despise family photos. Sitting through a staged photoshoot with fake smiles and carefully coordinated sweaters is literally my worst nightmare. Not exaggerating, I have had actual dreams about it where I wake up sweating. However, I would have sat through a million sessions, a million days in a row, with a million fake smiles, if it meant having our own crying baby to hold in that photo. After four Christmases with no success, you begin to dread the holidays. I know I did. Aside from the time off from work, didn't really look forward to it.
Obviously a lot has changed for us over the last three years. Now having Eisley (IVF) and our new little guy, Shiloh (Adoption), the holidays feel like they did when we were kids. But, my heart still aches for those who are walking this journey. If you know someone walking this road, pray extra hard for them this holiday season. Give them a longer hug (if they're huggers). Tell them you love them.
In the meantime, here is a great testimonial from a Youtube channel called "Meet The Wheelers". In this video, you'll hear more about the guy's side of infertility. It's enlightening, and I hope you'll spend some time watching this.
Merry Christmas, Everyone.