The Grass is Always Greener
I’ve been wanting to get back into writing a bit more, but honestly, I have not had anything profound to say. Not that anything I write is ever profound, but all of my thoughts seem too fragmented to put down on paper. I’ve also been feeling like anything I write is ultimately just adding noise during a time when everything in our world feels too burdensome to carry. But, I'm going to keep the covenant I made with myself to always use what I'm walking through to help others. In hopes that these few sentences will give someone a little boost of encouragement or hope, I’ll share a few things and do my best to keep this short. Disclaimer: As I type this, I'm sitting in my 7 hour MS infusion treatment, so if my words start to not make sense it’s because I’m d o z i n g o ff … zzzzzzz.
Yesterday was my one year anniversary of being diagnosed with MS. Crazy how fast that went. Even crazier to look back and think how much has changed in just one year. One of those fragmented thoughts that keeps running through my head is this, we spend our whole lives trying to prevent the one thing that is most certain in life, which is death. In doing so, we often forget to live. I’m guilty of this. Life is about so much more than survival. At times, I’ve allowed MS to send me into a mode of preservation instead of perseverance. You can easily find yourself peering into the lives of others, wishing you had what they had. Maybe it’s their health, wealth, or maybe it’s just that they seemingly have their crap together that magnifies the weight of the junk we have in our own lives, making it feel heavier than it actually is.
I read something recently that said “The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, sometimes you just need a little water and some patience.” Something like that anyways. I had never heard that phrase before, but it got me thinking, how often do we look across the street, only to wish for something that we really had under our nose the whole time, If only we had the patience to nurture it, water it, and wait it out to see it reach its full potential.” We all have a purpose. I’m going to carry out that purpose to the best of my ability within the longitude and latitude that I’ve been placed.
One of my best friends shared a verse with me recently that really convicted me. “A man had a fig tree growing in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’ Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’”
You see, in this story the man who owns the vineyard grants another year of life to the fruit tree. In the same way, God in His divine mercy grants us another day, another hour, another breath. But if there is no fruit, His patience will come to an end, and the fruitless tree will be cut down. The sympathetic gardener intercedes for more time to water and care for the fruitless tree, and the owner of the vineyard responds in patience.
Are you tending to the grass beneath your feet? Maybe right now it looks like a dirt patch, but it’s your dirt patch, and it’s invaluable. If 2020 has taught us anything at all, it’s that we’re all on borrowed time. If we spend even an ounce of this time lacking the faith that God doesn’t have us exactly where he wants us instead of nurturing the ground we stand on, man, we’re going to miss out on a lot of tasty fruit.
I love when He gives us glimpses of his purpose. Just this week I had a phone call with a friend who was just diagnosed with MS. 365 days after my diagnosis. While my heart broke for this person, It also reminded me of this scripture and that there is purpose in the pain. I will continue to do what I can to hold the hands of those walking this behind me. We can all choose to do the same. Keep pressing on, friends. Be conscious of your coordinates.
Finally, here are a few updates and things I’ve learned over the last year
I couldn’t do life without my friends and family
Giving up dairy, gluten, legumes, eggs, and sugar isn’t as hard as it seems
There is such a thing as good dairy-free gluten-free pizza & I have the recipe. If you’re nice to me, I may even cook one for you.
What you fuel your body with, is what you’ll get out of your body
The MS community is strong and loving
I am loved beyond measure by way more people than I deserve
God continues reveals his plans in his timing
Everyone is carrying something
Life is hard, but giving up is not an option
Love you all,
Jeff